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Ruth Penfold-Brown

Supporting humans to create the space to thrive, individually and collectively

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With Emily and Meredith, being brought out of my shell, and with my family on my 30th.

Post WW, 2009-2010

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You are not your brain. You are so much more.

Your brain is simply one organ in your body, an organ amongst many. But it’s kinda like the narcissist amongst your organ gang, in that it makes our world revolve around it.

It serves a great purpose. It there to steer us and help us regulate and stay on track. It sends signals to our nervous system to keep us ‘safe’ and we can often react by fight, flight, freeze or for people pleasers, appease.

As a people pleaser, you likely have an over stimulated nervous system that overreacts when it feels unsafe.

When the reaction happens the creative, problem solving part of your brain goes foggy. It happens when we are overwhelmed too. That’s when we procrastinate, and want to get up from our desks and run away if something feels hard (making a decision, changing our life, what to wear haha).

The key is learn to train our nervous system and our brain not to overreact. The best way I have found to do that is by closing my eyes and becoming really aware of my breathing - I like to think of it like a computer reboot.

Once I have regained control, I then start a dialogue with my brain that goes, ‘look, I appreciate your concern, but we're good. I know you are trying to protect me and I love you for But I'm gonna put my big girl pants on and do this thing, because I can do it. I can be free.’

I would honestly say that remains a work in progress for me, I'm just getting better at holding steady and choosing to do the thing anyway.

Are you in charge of your brain yet?

If you would like me to share a simple meditation to learn how to keep your brain in check, drop me a note in the comments below 🧠

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#BrainControl #Coaching #SetYourselfFree #SelfLeadership

•

You are not your brain. You are so much more. Your brain is simply one organ in your body, an organ amongst many. But it’s kinda like the narcissist amongst your organ gang, in that it makes our world revolve around it. It serves a great purpose. It there to steer us and help us regulate and stay on track. It sends signals to our nervous system to keep us ‘safe’ and we can often react by fight, flight, freeze or for people pleasers, appease. As a people pleaser, you likely have an over stimulated nervous system that overreacts when it feels unsafe. When the reaction happens the creative, problem solving part of your brain goes foggy. It happens when we are overwhelmed too. That’s when we procrastinate, and want to get up from our desks and run away if something feels hard (making a decision, changing our life, what to wear haha). The key is learn to train our nervous system and our brain not to overreact. The best way I have found to do that is by closing my eyes and becoming really aware of my breathing - I like to think of it like a computer reboot. Once I have regained control, I then start a dialogue with my brain that goes, ‘look, I appreciate your concern, but we're good. I know you are trying to protect me and I love you for But I'm gonna put my big girl pants on and do this thing, because I can do it. I can be free.’ I would honestly say that remains a work in progress for me, I'm just getting better at holding steady and choosing to do the thing anyway. Are you in charge of your brain yet? If you would like me to share a simple meditation to learn how to keep your brain in check, drop me a note in the comments below 🧠 Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #BrainControl #Coaching #SetYourselfFree #SelfLeadership

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

1/9

As a People Pleaser in Recovery (PPiR), learning to make my own choices has been one of the most powerful things that I have learnt how to do.

We are wired to work to keep everyone happy, and that can make decisions feel really hard. It feels much easier sometimes to let someone else take the lead and make a decision for you, and has the added benefit of them approving the choice that you make also haha 🙃

The challenge is that each of these little decisions we don’t make, are little steps that we are taking away from ourselves.

If you are anything like me, maybe you find that for many decisions, you aren’t really sure what you feel about them.

That’s okay sis, I got you.

I’m going to teach you how to ride the wave of decision making and get better at making aligned choices.

As a pre-step, I honestly believe that knowing your values helps you to navigate life in general, but 100% when it comes to decision making. If that is new for you, I have a simple values exercise you can grab. Head to the link in my bio to swipe it!

Okay so you have a decision to make.

1. Ride the wave. We have a tendency to overthink and talk ourselves out of things, so let that ride out. Because we are easily led by others, we also have to give ourselves the time to ride out other peoples opinions to give ourselves a better shot at knowing what we want.
2. Weigh up the pros and cons for each option. This is an old technique but a good one, as often the clear option just magically appears.
3. Sit with the option of a yes or a no and see what comes up for you. Imagine the future you as a yes, and imagine the future you if you said no. Which state feels better?

Side note: Be aware of fear masquerading as a good idea. Your brain is wired to keep you safe, so make sure that you sit with each choice for long enough to find out what is real for you and what is simply an excuse from your brain to stay small and safe.

What are your biggest challenges with making decisions? LMK below 👇🏼

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#DecisionMaking #PeoplePleaser #Coach #GrowthMindset #DoYou

•

As a People Pleaser in Recovery (PPiR), learning to make my own choices has been one of the most powerful things that I have learnt how to do. We are wired to work to keep everyone happy, and that can make decisions feel really hard. It feels much easier sometimes to let someone else take the lead and make a decision for you, and has the added benefit of them approving the choice that you make also haha 🙃 The challenge is that each of these little decisions we don’t make, are little steps that we are taking away from ourselves. If you are anything like me, maybe you find that for many decisions, you aren’t really sure what you feel about them. That’s okay sis, I got you. I’m going to teach you how to ride the wave of decision making and get better at making aligned choices. As a pre-step, I honestly believe that knowing your values helps you to navigate life in general, but 100% when it comes to decision making. If that is new for you, I have a simple values exercise you can grab. Head to the link in my bio to swipe it! Okay so you have a decision to make. 1. Ride the wave. We have a tendency to overthink and talk ourselves out of things, so let that ride out. Because we are easily led by others, we also have to give ourselves the time to ride out other peoples opinions to give ourselves a better shot at knowing what we want. 2. Weigh up the pros and cons for each option. This is an old technique but a good one, as often the clear option just magically appears. 3. Sit with the option of a yes or a no and see what comes up for you. Imagine the future you as a yes, and imagine the future you if you said no. Which state feels better? Side note: Be aware of fear masquerading as a good idea. Your brain is wired to keep you safe, so make sure that you sit with each choice for long enough to find out what is real for you and what is simply an excuse from your brain to stay small and safe. What are your biggest challenges with making decisions? LMK below 👇🏼 Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #DecisionMaking #PeoplePleaser #Coach #GrowthMindset #DoYou

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

2/9

Amazing. Things. Happen. When. You. Figure. Out. What. To. Say. Yes. To. And. What. To. Say. No. To.

Read that again.

As a People Pleaser by design, I was SO GOOD at saying yes.
✅ Yes to your needs being more important than mine
✅ Yes to taking on the extra work so the team didn’t suffer
✅ Yes to attending all those unnecessary meetings

Truth is, when we are in so deep in so deep in people pleasing, we don’t know where you end and we begin.

Then I learnt the power of yes and no. When we learn to say no to the wrong things, we create space for the right things.

My journey to better yeses started small, with:
♻️ Choosing what I really wanted to eat each day
♻️ Selecting my outfits each day around what made me feel amazing
♻️ Being selective about how I invested my time outside work

Then over time, I built the muscle, I got better at saying no:
⛔️ No, my team can’t take on that extra meeting
⛔️ No, I can’t come to dinner that late
⛔️ No, I don’t think that’s right for me

Learning the power of yes and no, was the thing that ultimately set me free. It was the thing that meant when the big powerful yeses came along (I’m looking at you @the_devon_brown), I was able to jump right in.

Those yeses have seen me change my life multiple times, and more recently, leave my job, start a business, get married and move to America 🇺🇸

People pleasers; tell me, have you learnt the power of yes and no yet?

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#SelfLeadership #Coaching #ThePowerOfYes #ThePowerOfNo

•

Amazing. Things. Happen. When. You. Figure. Out. What. To. Say. Yes. To. And. What. To. Say. No. To. Read that again. As a People Pleaser by design, I was SO GOOD at saying yes. ✅ Yes to your needs being more important than mine ✅ Yes to taking on the extra work so the team didn’t suffer ✅ Yes to attending all those unnecessary meetings Truth is, when we are in so deep in so deep in people pleasing, we don’t know where you end and we begin. Then I learnt the power of yes and no. When we learn to say no to the wrong things, we create space for the right things. My journey to better yeses started small, with: ♻️ Choosing what I really wanted to eat each day ♻️ Selecting my outfits each day around what made me feel amazing ♻️ Being selective about how I invested my time outside work Then over time, I built the muscle, I got better at saying no: ⛔️ No, my team can’t take on that extra meeting ⛔️ No, I can’t come to dinner that late ⛔️ No, I don’t think that’s right for me Learning the power of yes and no, was the thing that ultimately set me free. It was the thing that meant when the big powerful yeses came along (I’m looking at you @the_devon_brown), I was able to jump right in. Those yeses have seen me change my life multiple times, and more recently, leave my job, start a business, get married and move to America 🇺🇸 People pleasers; tell me, have you learnt the power of yes and no yet? Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #SelfLeadership #Coaching #ThePowerOfYes #ThePowerOfNo

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

3/9

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘

I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We:
💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱
💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴
💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼
💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥
💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖

I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘

Have a beautiful day gang
Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

•

I had the best time in Chicago with @tialink and @jeffrey.raskin 💘 I feel so much home in both of these humans, and they literally gave me the trip of a lifetime. We: 💘 Got to do a vegan gluten free tasting menu 🌱 💘 Went to the Botanic Gardens 🪴 💘 Got to see the Bean 🙌🏼 💘 Went to the Museum of Modern Art (and it made me realise how much I miss doing that) 🔥 💘 Went for a British (ish) afternoon tea 🫖 I am travelling home, heart and belly full and excited to see my love @the_devon_brown 💘 Have a beautiful day gang Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #ChiTown #Chicago #LoveLoveLove

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

4/9

Happy talk-a-versary @the_devon_brown and here’s some of our first ever video hellos to celebrate 💘

I. Could. Not. Love. You. More.

When we first accepted that call, it’s safe to say neither of us knew where we would end up haha.

A little background in case you’re new here, Devon landed in my Tinder garden in London, all the way from Atlanta, when Tinder gave people the passport function for free due to the pandemic and let them Tinder around the world.

🌎 We matched in June 2020 and neither of us thought anything of it, I figured he was messing about.
🌎 We followed each other on Instagram, and ending up sliding into one another DM’s.
🌎 We ended up arranging a call for July 11th, a call that neither of us was that bothered about.

Instead we fell into the rhythm of instant friendship; of calls, of sending videos and of growing admiration for each other.

What neither of us knew when we accepted that call for sure, was that it would end up being the call that would change our lives.

The little yes we both said in the beginning turned into huge one. The rest, as they say, is history, we met in October 2020 and now here we are almost two short years later; living and loving IRL.

What are some of the little yeses that have ended up becoming the big yeses for you? This one for me is probably the biggest haha 🙃

Big love to you all and to you Mr Brown, I love you to the moon 🌙
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#LoveAtFirstSwipe #LoveOver40 #SayYes #OverseasRomance #LongDistanceRelatiobship #ChangeYourLife #Love

•

Happy talk-a-versary @the_devon_brown and here’s some of our first ever video hellos to celebrate 💘 I. Could. Not. Love. You. More. When we first accepted that call, it’s safe to say neither of us knew where we would end up haha. A little background in case you’re new here, Devon landed in my Tinder garden in London, all the way from Atlanta, when Tinder gave people the passport function for free due to the pandemic and let them Tinder around the world. 🌎 We matched in June 2020 and neither of us thought anything of it, I figured he was messing about. 🌎 We followed each other on Instagram, and ending up sliding into one another DM’s. 🌎 We ended up arranging a call for July 11th, a call that neither of us was that bothered about. Instead we fell into the rhythm of instant friendship; of calls, of sending videos and of growing admiration for each other. What neither of us knew when we accepted that call for sure, was that it would end up being the call that would change our lives. The little yes we both said in the beginning turned into huge one. The rest, as they say, is history, we met in October 2020 and now here we are almost two short years later; living and loving IRL. What are some of the little yeses that have ended up becoming the big yeses for you? This one for me is probably the biggest haha 🙃 Big love to you all and to you Mr Brown, I love you to the moon 🌙 RPB 🖖🏼 • #LoveAtFirstSwipe #LoveOver40 #SayYes #OverseasRomance #LongDistanceRelatiobship #ChangeYourLife #Love

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

5/9

One of my very best things I do is coaching others.

There’s such power within each of us, and sometimes we simply need a thought partner to listen between the lines of what we think we are saying, to help us realise what we really are.

By being coached I felt:
🔥 Heard
🔥 Seen
🔥 Powerful

I think we find the right coach at the right moment, and for me, I’ve been lucky to have found many coaches (and thought partners) at exactly the right moment.

Tell me your best coaching stories 👇🏼

Big love for a beautiful weekend friends, we’re off to a botanical garden 🪴
Ruth 🖖🏼

•

#Coaching #ThoughtPartnership #SelfLeadership #LoveYourself

•

One of my very best things I do is coaching others. There’s such power within each of us, and sometimes we simply need a thought partner to listen between the lines of what we think we are saying, to help us realise what we really are. By being coached I felt: 🔥 Heard 🔥 Seen 🔥 Powerful I think we find the right coach at the right moment, and for me, I’ve been lucky to have found many coaches (and thought partners) at exactly the right moment. Tell me your best coaching stories 👇🏼 Big love for a beautiful weekend friends, we’re off to a botanical garden 🪴 Ruth 🖖🏼 • #Coaching #ThoughtPartnership #SelfLeadership #LoveYourself

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

6/9

@the_devon_brown said something to me once that has stuck with me; ‘I’m determined not to let a good life get in the way of a great one.’

Change is hard but necessary if we want to grow. We can avoid because we find safety in the familiar, even if it no longer serves us.

Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and safe often means keeping things just as they are.

To grow, we really just need to get better at being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

I made a pact with myself at the end of last year to embrace discomfort. Little by little I am building that muscle.

(I’ve illustrated it here by being playful about not being able to ‘pop to the shops’ without walking along - what in the UK we would call a motorway - in the heat, but the message is an important one.)

Change is necessary for us to grow.

If we want to grow, we have to get comfortable with discomfort.

I am determined not to let a good life get in the way of a great one. Who is with me? 👇🏼

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#SelfLeadership #GrowthMindset #SelfAwareness #MindsetCoach #Mindset #SelfDevelopment #ExpansiveLiving #Purpose #ChangeYourLife

•

@the_devon_brown said something to me once that has stuck with me; ‘I’m determined not to let a good life get in the way of a great one.’ Change is hard but necessary if we want to grow. We can avoid because we find safety in the familiar, even if it no longer serves us. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and safe often means keeping things just as they are. To grow, we really just need to get better at being comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. I made a pact with myself at the end of last year to embrace discomfort. Little by little I am building that muscle. (I’ve illustrated it here by being playful about not being able to ‘pop to the shops’ without walking along - what in the UK we would call a motorway - in the heat, but the message is an important one.) Change is necessary for us to grow. If we want to grow, we have to get comfortable with discomfort. I am determined not to let a good life get in the way of a great one. Who is with me? 👇🏼 Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #SelfLeadership #GrowthMindset #SelfAwareness #MindsetCoach #Mindset #SelfDevelopment #ExpansiveLiving #Purpose #ChangeYourLife

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

7/9

*PLOT REVEAL* (ooooops, too late, you already saw it haha 🙃)

This was SUCH a powerful learning for me.

I started to notice a theme; the people that I gravitated to, the people that I admired, the people that I wanted to be around.

Once I stopped and thought about it, it was like a roadmap unfolded of who I knew (deep down) I could be.

Here’s some great coaching questions you can ask yourself:
🤔 Who do I most admire? (IRL or just people in the world that you are making assumptions about)
🤔 What are the values that I most admire about them?
🤔 What would it mean to me to live into those values?
🤔 How do I live those values now?
🤔 How can I live those values more?
🤔 What is one thing I can change about my day tomorrow to take me closer to living them?

I would LOVE to hear from you below if this is something that resonates 👇🏼

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#Coach #LiveYourPurpose #LoveLife #BeingYou #SelfGrowth #SelfLove

•

*PLOT REVEAL* (ooooops, too late, you already saw it haha 🙃) This was SUCH a powerful learning for me. I started to notice a theme; the people that I gravitated to, the people that I admired, the people that I wanted to be around. Once I stopped and thought about it, it was like a roadmap unfolded of who I knew (deep down) I could be. Here’s some great coaching questions you can ask yourself: 🤔 Who do I most admire? (IRL or just people in the world that you are making assumptions about) 🤔 What are the values that I most admire about them? 🤔 What would it mean to me to live into those values? 🤔 How do I live those values now? 🤔 How can I live those values more? 🤔 What is one thing I can change about my day tomorrow to take me closer to living them? I would LOVE to hear from you below if this is something that resonates 👇🏼 Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #Coach #LiveYourPurpose #LoveLife #BeingYou #SelfGrowth #SelfLove

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

8/9

We can lead from where we stand. We don’t need permission.

For years I was the ‘victim’ of circumstance. I found myself in bad relationships all over my life. Then things gradually started to shift.

✅ I realised I had agency.
✅ I realised that I was a big part of the relationships that I participated in.
✅ I realised I could change them by showing up differently.

I showed up differently.
They changed for the better.

I love to see folks rise up and claim responsibility for their lives.

Break that word down: response- ability, response-able.

What can you ignite your response-ability for today? Where can you claim your life a little more fully?

I’m claiming response-ability for not having enough time with my sisterhood lately, and I’m going to do everything I can to change it.

What will you choose?

Big love
RPB 🖖🏼

•

#ResponseAble #ResponseAbility #YouHaveThePower

•

We can lead from where we stand. We don’t need permission. For years I was the ‘victim’ of circumstance. I found myself in bad relationships all over my life. Then things gradually started to shift. ✅ I realised I had agency. ✅ I realised that I was a big part of the relationships that I participated in. ✅ I realised I could change them by showing up differently. I showed up differently. They changed for the better. I love to see folks rise up and claim responsibility for their lives. Break that word down: response- ability, response-able. What can you ignite your response-ability for today? Where can you claim your life a little more fully? I’m claiming response-ability for not having enough time with my sisterhood lately, and I’m going to do everything I can to change it. What will you choose? Big love RPB 🖖🏼 • #ResponseAble #ResponseAbility #YouHaveThePower

5 months ago

View on Instagram |

9/9

Read my latest blog posts

That time when I realised how to become a true leader November 23, 2022
That time when I learnt the 5 stages of burnout November 15, 2022
That time when I learnt how to build better relationships October 26, 2022
That time when I learnt how to create lasting change September 29, 2022
That time when I built a case file of excellence, and why you need one too August 17, 2022

Copyright 2021 | Ruth Penfold | All rights reserved

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